Caregiver Support

My Mother turned 80 about two months ago.  When we celebrated her birthday, she kept repeating the fact that she couldn’t be 80, as she didn’t look or feel 80 years old.  She is right – she doesn’t look 80 and I am glad she does not feel 80.  But the fact remains that at 80, my Mother is not quite the same woman she was a decade ago.    Thankfully, she is still kind, warm-hearted, gracious and funny.  Yet, her cognition is not what it once was and due to memory loss, the memories she recalls are an odd jumble of past events, friendships and family ties.  Lately, she tells me she wants to “visit” her Mother and speaks of my Father in the present tense.  Unfortunately, they have not been with us for over twenty years.

While I have gotten used to my Mother’s forgetfulness and oft repeated questions, her recent conversations which include a description of an outing with my Dad are unsettling.  We all miss him terribly and it is hard to know what to do when my Mother speaks of him as if he just left the room a moment before.  Sometimes, I try to gently remind her that Dad has passed on.  But most of the time, I just let it go and let her enjoy a past recollection ….as if it happened yesterday.   I’ve decided this is the kindest approach and I’m hopeful that the scattered memories bring her comfort and joy.