I work for a Geriatric Care Management company – My Health Care Manager.  I work with RN’s that have in-depth geriatric experience.  I read about geriatric care and caregiving on a daily basis.  I even give talks on Caregiving to employer groups in Indianapolis. So, I thought I was prepared, I thought I was handling things well, I thought I was the “exception” – the caregiver who takes everything in stride, who gets enough rest and who effortlessly achieves work/life balance without giving it a second thought.  That was until last weekend.

Last weekend, I crashed.  I was tired and irritable, got in arguments and cried without provocation.  I had finally had it.  I was tired of trying to be all things to all people – a devoted daughter, an attentive friend, a dedicated employee and a caring partner.  I was tired of not finding time for myself, tired of not curling up with a good book, tired of doing too much laundry and tired of sorting through tax records.  I was tired of answering my Mother’s questions over and over, I was tired of grocery shopping and most of all I was tired of being responsible.   

With shock, I realized my energy was all but depleted and I couldn’t believe the depth of my tiredness both physically and emotionally.  So, I crashed and slept a lot, read books and a caring partner took me out to dinner, cooked dinner for me and took my Mother and me to lunch.  He stepped in to prop me up and I was grateful for his help.  By Monday, I was feeling much better and ready to face the world.

When I spoke with a close friend about what happened – she wasn’t surprised and pointed out that my Mother had moved here six months ago.  She reminded me that I had been on the go ever since. I hadn’t realized how much time had passed or even thought about it, but realized she was right.  No wonder I was tired and cranky and motion sick from my merry-go-round life.

It was a rude awakening and I realized that I needed to follow some of the advice I often share with others. So I expressed my concerns to several friends and two volunteered to take my Mother on an outing (without me).  I worked less.  I engaged an Accounting Firm to help me with some financial tasks.  And a very thoughtful partner continued to provide encouragement and support as well as “date nights” and flowers.  And, most importantly, I gave myself a break!  I read books in the evening and let the laundry pile up.  I treated myself to an extravagant spring purse and savored chocolate covered blueberries.  It didn’t take much to bring the balance back to my life, but I learned a valuable lesson. 

So, the next time I give a talk about Caregiving – I’ll admit I didn’t follow the rules espoused in my carefully crafted Powerpoint presentation.  I’ll share my story.  I hope my experience will help others recognize that trying to be all things to all people is a useless endeavor, especially when it means you lose yourself in the process.