How many times have we heard “ try to put yourself in their shoes”  when we are trying to understand actions or behavior we find puzzling?   We do this for friends and co-workers all the time.  But it is much more difficult to put ourselves in our parents’ shoes.  Because as children growing up we didn’t spend time trying to figure out much, if anything, about our parents.  For most of us, we just knew they loved us and wanted to take care of us.  It was an absolute, a given, and not something to be questioned or analyzed.  We didn’t try to put ourselves in their shoes, we just worried about our shoes, especially when we wanted new school shoes and the latest sneakers.

I had an “aha” moment when I entered the work force and became an Executive Assistant to a CEO who had a crazy schedule filled with meetings and business travel.  While managing his constantly fluid schedule, it dawned on me that my Dad’s business life had been similar.  And I wondered how my Dad had managed to attend so many of my tennis matches in high school.  I finally recognized and appreciated the effort he must have made so many years ago to be there for me.  But, I have to admit that at the time, while I was glad he was there, I didn’t realize everything he must have done to make that happen.  I wasn’t very good at putting myself in his shoes then, and I’m not very good at putting myself in my Mother’s shoes now.  I don’t think I am exceptionally dense or self absorbed……I just don’t think this is the natural order of things.

Another example occurred yesterday when I was shopping with my Mother.  As we walked from the car to the shopping center, I was focused on our destination – the World Market store – and the list of things I wanted to purchase for Christmas – gift wrap, gourmet items and some wine.  I didn’t pay attention to the other stores in the strip center, until my Mother asked this question – “Are you going to buy a Sailor Suit?”  I then realized that there was an “Old Navy” store next door to the store I planned to visit.  My Mother’s question was perfectly legitimate, albeit hysterical, because from her perspective we were going to a “Navy” store…….not the World Market store.  It made me realize how easy it is to look at things differently and how often our perspectives are not the same.  Because perspective is based on life experience and our life experiences have been quite different.  I didn’t grow up at a time when brothers, classmates, boyfriends and neighbors were likely to enter the Navy.  My Mom didn’t grow up in a world defined by The Gap. 

So, I’ve decided to make a real effort to try to look at the world more closely through my Mother’s eyes and try to walk in her shoes.  The first step occurred late yesterday afternoon – when I bought her a pair of UGG boots because I was worried about her falling in the snow in her heeled fashion-conscious boots.  I love my UGG boots, with the warm fleece lining and sturdy, waterproof soles.  I convinced my Mother to try a pair on and she liked them! So, now we truly are walking in the same shoes (boots)!