Years ago when I went away to college, I gave my Mother a small plaque with the following saying:

“Children hold their Mother’s hands for awhile and their hearts forever.”

This plaque has been carefully hung in 4-5 residences, following my Mother as she moved and downsized during the last 30 years.  Today, it has “pride of place” in her bedroom and hangs near the door. 

Yesterday, I was visiting and helping my Mother get dressed and ready for the day.  She noticed the plaque and said it should be revised to read “Mothers hold their children’s hands” and insisted that she would not know what to do if I wasn’t there to help her. Sadly, she recognizes that she is “slipping” and wonders aloud what is wrong with her.  She asks me why she can’t remember the day or date and why she can’t decide what to wear and why she can’t find her purse.  I reassure her that she is doing fine.  I tell her it is common to forget a few things when you get older and explain that the Doctor recently adjusted her medicines which could be causing some confusion and memory loss. 

Later, I can’t stop thinking about our conversation and realize that “role reversal” just doesn’t begin to describe the life of an adult caregiver.  Role reversal sounds so sensible and orderly….yet there is nothing sensible or orderly about caring for an aging parent.  This isn’t the natural order of things…or is it?  Many of my friends are caregivers for their parents too and we all agree that from our perspective…..role reversal is uncomfortable and difficult.   Some of our parents readily accept role reversal, yet others fight the switch at all costs fearing a loss of independence and control.  Role reversal doesn’t occur overnight, but creeps into our consciousness.  Until one day we realize that…. we are holding the hands of our parents and their hearts as well.